cerebral discharge

I have an idea for a new sub-blog.

I walk to work every day in downtown Phoenix. It’s about 3/4 of a mile, and I pass by all sorts of interesting people and places. I always want to tell people about all the cool things I see, but I never had a venue.

So my plan, obviously, is to make occasional posts titled “on my walk: something” (replace “something”, obviously, with whatever it is i’m describing).

I’ll start with this one: 

Yesterday on my walk to work, I noticed a guy across the street from me that was walking in the same direction. He was a tall white guy who dressed a lot like poser white kids did in the early 90’s that wanted to look cool/hiphop. He had a way-oversized white T-shirt on, and horrible early 90’s jeans that kind of tapered at the ankle, but were too big on his waist.

The early 90’s style didn’t stop there, though. He also had on a baseball hat, tipped to the left, and (get this) a WALKMAN! Not an iPod. Not a CD player…and actual CASSETTE TAPE WALKMAN.

That alone would have been cool. But this guy was ROCKING OUT. He was throwing up his hands, and pretending to shoot basketballs, and doing all sorts of thug-type arm motions. He was also nodding at cars that went by as if they were acknowledging his awesomeness.

I hurried to the next intersection and crossed the street just to walk right behind him and watch him. He had no shame. He kept it going for half a mile before our paths split.

It was awesome.

No, this is not a Harry Potter reference. Just watch.

Do you ever feel like it’s all too much, but you can’t even put a finger on what exactly is bothering you?

I can’t sleep (nothing new) and my mind feels FULL of …. something. But I can’t for the life of me figure out exactly what it is that has me down. I have a few theories. I’ll share them.

My friend Joel is not doing well. He has cancer, and the last week or so has been particularly tough for him. He’s fighting off some sort of fungal infection and his body is just too weak to handle it well. He’s such a good guy, and I want to see him recover so bad. My willingness to trust God is shaky at best sometimes, and I don’t quite understand why He chooses to do things like hurt people with cancer, and take away our friends and our husbands and wives and children in such a way.

I miss home. Both Indiana and Maryland. I moved to Phoenix, Arizona about 2 months ago now, and Amy and I haven’t really connected with people here. We haven’t spent a ton of time with my aunt and uncle, but that’s ok for now. We didn’t expect to really. (not that we don’t love them or anything. They’ve always been the easiest family members to connect with at holidays and things.)
We met a few people from our apartment complex, but not many, and our schedules rarely intersect. For the most part, we are really lonely. And being lonely is not so good for me. Especially when people I love are dying, and people I miss are thousands of miles away.

Work has been difficult. It’s not that I have a hard job, because I don’t. It’s actually exactly because I don’t have a hard job. Nothing that I do challenges me intellectually at work, so my passion for the job is just not there. I mostly stare at spreadsheets, file reports, fax important documents to people, and update databases. I don’t care about that stuff. I want to do more, but now is not the best for me to do something different at work. I need to lay low a little bit and ride whatever wave the company is on. I’m just having difficulty being patient and especially being content.

Another odd thing pulling at my heart today is about music. Since I moved to Arizona, I hadn’t pulled out any of my musical instruments at all. Tuesday evening, however, when I was out, Amy set up all my gear as a surprise! While it’s been great to have it all, it’s just so different from what I’m used to to have it all again. Furthermore, it’s difficult to pick up just where you left off after 8 weeks of not playing. And honestly I hadn’t played much the 3 months before I left either. Old passions were reunited today as I picked out a few new songs to learn.
Also, I spent a significant amount of time today listening to some of the most beautiful music I’ve ever encountered. I was embarrassed at work because I was listening to an opera singer that made me almost cry right in my cubicle. I couldn’t even understand him (I don’t speak ANY italian, except I know that “Gran Turismo” means “grand touring”) but the passion with which he sang brought me to tears.

Anyways, that’s what’s on my mind, as best as I can tell.